this is confusing
2004-11-27 @ 10:38 p.m.

Caution: This is really confusing. I understand if it doesn't make sense so if you don't get it, just ignore it please! *kiss kiss* love ya!

Isn't it interesting that sometimes you think you care, then suddenly you realize that you really don't? Strange I know, but let me try to explain. Like, whe somebody can't let things go and you try real hard to watch everything you do and say whenever you are forced to be in their insufferable company so you don't cause any unnecessairy issues - then one day other people get drug into the old fueds and you're just like ya know what, fuck it!? So then you're all like "Okay, so what do I do now? Do I sit back this time or do I say something?" but you know if you say something everything will be your fault again. So, you really don't know what to do but either way you know you will be wrong. That's the position I'm in. Ima explain it all without names, that way this shit doesn't get spread all over the school by 2nd period Monday morning.

Okay, so at the end of last year a whold lot of stuff went down. Me and some new friends got into it with an old friend and everything went crazy. I said something I should of prolly kept to myself. But ya know, that whole day it was basically out of respect that I didn't run around running my mouth...anyways, that's a different story. I was wrong my friends, I admit - I was wrong! But surely, surely since the person I was mad at knew me and was my friend they would listen to me if I tried to explain! Sureley they remembered what they had told me and so I had good reason to accuse them of what I accused them of. I mean, they warned me, right? So if I apologized and said i was sorry it would be okay, right? I mean, I had good intentions and everything. But I was wrong. I was decieved. Somebody had actually got something past me (for the first and last time might I add) because I never realised we weren't friends...so my apology wasn't good enough. I was a horrible person for saying what I said yet it was okay for the other person to down talk all my new friends. All the while the people who really caused the problems (me and someone else) were ignored and the people who didn't (Alyssa and someone else) took on the blame and didn't complain at all. I should take right now to thank them from me and the other person. All in all it was really screwed up. I didn't understand why Lyssa was getting messed with and why people were leaving me alone. Frankly, it pissed me off, but nobody would listen when I fessed up. They just ignored it, like it never happened on my part. I was mad at myself for yapping about something that I didn't know to be true yet and causing so much drama, yet I was equally convinced I was right about what I said anyways because the person accused basically convicted themselves. I didn't know what to do. All I knew is I had to fix it somehow and I didn't know how. I knew I had some amazing friends that I never expected to take up for me that day like they did. To them I am forever indebted. Not only did one of them lie for me but was fully prepaired to fight for me. Another took on my blame herself. They never ever admitted that I was the one who intially said, "Hey. blank fucked this up man! I'm tellin ya!".
Anyway, at the end of that day, I knew everything would be changed.

So, junior year started. A lot was the same. Three people hated me and Alyssa and two still do even though they will never say why. One hated Me, Alyssa and our new friends and now that one has increased to two plus more probably. Despite all of that, me and Alyssa let it all go. Every single bit of it. Who cares about what happened last year or freshmen year. It was the past. It was a brand new year. We did really good too. We didn't argue with anybody except once. The person who I mentioned in the whole confusing explination earlier still didn't let things go even though we had long sense let it go. It turns out that person didn't even have the nerve to tell their family about our falling out. So me and Alyssa just sit back in the classes we had/have with that person and grit our teeth while that person turns more people against us with stupid lies. Now, we're doing something really important and BAM everything from last year is brought back to the surface. The idiot who caused it all if causing problems again.

So I ask you all what do I do? What would be right? I've lost one friend last week over this. Do I say something? Do I sit back? How come my friend can't even walk me to class without people assuming things? Basically, I want to know if I should act or not. I know I will be wrong either way, but I want to know what you think is the right thing for me to do. I don't want this tension anymore.

*kiss kiss* love ya!
-- Queen Bee-yotch! --